The Drunk Tank

The following is a transcript of the latest episode of The Drunk Tank, with High Five Harry and Low Blow Larry...

Low Blow Larry: …and that is why his hands always have blisters on them. Karl be nassstyy.

High Five Harry: That is the grossest thing I’ve ever heard. What else is on the agenda today?

Low Blow Larry: Well The League had their first three way trade last week.

High Five Harry: Yea, that was hot.

Low Blow Larry: Ah ok.

High Five Harry: What? It was.

Low Blow Larry: The trade sent Marshawn Lynch and 1.1 to Lloyd, Peter received 2.10 and Steve Slaton and Mike received 3.1, 5.12 and Marques Colston. Who is the winner in this deal?

High Five Harry: Well Darth Vader wins again.

Low Blow Larry: Whoa High Five Burke the Bitch wasn’t involved in this one.

High Five Harry: Yea I know. I’m talking about Lloyd. He’s been ripping people off all off-season. First he face raped Blayne for Phillip Rivers and now this.

Low Blow Larry: I don’t think he puts the screws to ‘em that bad High Five. Peter gets Slaton. Mike gets a bunch of picks and a top ten WR. Mikes team couldn’t survive the headache that Lynch’s suspension could cause.

High Five Harry: Mike got dooped. Lynch is a young stud RB. You NEVER deal one of those. Llyod is a young Anakin and I'm sure Brian Vader is happy to sit back and let Lloyd take some of the League's bitterness for a while.

Low Blow Larry: C'mon High Five it wasn't that bad. We've seen a lot worse.

High Five Harry: When? Mike completely fucked himself and Peter isn't doing nearly as well as he thinks he is. He traded the FIRST PICK OF THE DRAFT for the running back for the Houston "we'll find a way to fuck you if you trust us" Texans. Who is due for a sophomore slump. Who will be splitting carries if the Texans draft a good RB in the draft.

Low Blow Larry: Are we forgetting that Lloyd traded for a gun touting suspension waiting to happen? Everyone took some risk in this deal accept Mike.

High Five Harry: Oh c’mon.

Low Blow Larry: Mike essentially has ¼ of Drew Brees on his team now. I would take that any day.

High Five Harry: Bullshit. He traded a low 2nd high 3rd tier receiver and a couple middle round draft picks for a running back that will finish Top 10 this year. Even if he's suspended two games. And did I mention that Lloyd has the first two picks of the draft this year?

Low Blow Larry: Well, it could be worse. Lloyd will probably just fuck it up.

High Five Harry: That's not the point. Lloyd basically took a shit on two managers and they gave him back a stud running back and the best pick in the draft.

Low Blow Larry: I think you're overrating Marshawn. How many times do I have to tell you he's getting suspended? He won't get to use him in the beginning and who knows how long after that. I think Lloyd got seduced by the 1st overall pick and then Mike and Peter gangbanged him.

High Five Harry: Maybe. But if you just look at it now Llyod pulled off the most rediculus trade in League history.

Low Blow Larry: Well at this point what’s done is done. It effects the draft in a big way though. One owner with the top two picks. A first for The League. I’m sure Lloyd screws it though. You know he'll pull a Findley and taking Michael Crabtree.
High Five Harry: Whatever. So to wrap it up Mike is fucked, Peter is fucked and he doesn't know it, and The League needs to be put on notice that a new evil is among them and Lloyd will fuck them in the ass while their hiding from Burke. Oh and by the way now Lloyd owns the first round of the draft. Way to go assholes.

Low Blow Larry: This is High Five Harry and Low Blow Larry from the Drunk Tank hoping you'll tune us in next time. Until then, keep it shitty League!